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Monthly Archives: November 2008

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Loss

Such a little word that has such a deep meaning.

(please note that a miscarriage is mentioned and if you feel that may be upsetting to you, please skip this post)

As you may have noticed, the blog has been neglected. And while, in part, that is due to this being one of the busiest times of the year- it has also taken a backseat for another reason. As many of you already know, in August I got the surprise and shock of a positive pregnancy test. As I made it through the extreme sickness and overwhelming exhaustion, I knew that I couldn’t keep up the pace I once had. So I had to prioritize, and the blog ended up at the bottom.

As time passed, that shock of our surprise turned to excitement. I began planning our future around this new little one. I dreamed about her (even saw a beautiful girl in those dreams), I had dreams for her, and I fell in love with her. This week, at 13+ weeks, we received the devastating news that our baby’s heart had stopped beating.

This is the week that I thought it would be “safe” to announce on here that a baby was in the works and instead, I’m doing this. I have been blessed with two healthy children and have never experienced a miscarriage. My heart always ached for those who had, but I never knew how deep that pain runs.

It’s so difficult to at one minute envision this beautiful child in your life and the next minute try to imagine your future without her. I could already smell that sweet newborn head, I had counted those 10 fingers and toes dozens of times, and I had visualized almost every pose and position I would lovingly convince that new baby in to so I could get that perfect picture.

It’s hard to let go of those dreams and to move forward, but with God’s help and the loving help of my family and friends I know that it is possible.

On Thursday I had a D&C. I couldn’t have asked for better care from all of the hospital staff, especially the ultrasound techs, the nurses, and the anesthesiologist. I already knew my doctor was the best from past experience- but she went above and beyond all that was required of her. One nurse, who is also a client of mine, was a huge comfort to me and my husband. And I’m so thankful she was there that day.

I’m usually not so personal on here but with so many of my clients already knowing the news of the pregnancy–I felt this would probably be the best place to start. Instead of having to explain the situation over and over, I wanted to put it some place that a lot of my clients already look.

I returned to work today–which was something I truly needed to do. It felt good to pour myself into my work. I have already returned many emails and phone calls but still have a list to get through. Please bear with me; I will be working on those next week.

~M

My precious kiddos